Looking behind...

 

03.04.2022:

“There is nothing so sacred than God, not to be questioned…” was one of the sayings that would summarize my life and search as a priest in the religious sphere of the Catholic Church, striving ever yet for the spiritual…

A writing/graffiti on the wall of our village temple influenced me at very small an age. It was, ‘ദൈവത്തിനു വയര്‍ വീര്‍ക്കുന്നില്ല, ദൈവത്തിന്‍റെ പേരില്‍ വയറു വീര്‍പ്പിക്കപ്പെടുന്നു’, meaning, ‘God doesn’t get fed, but in his name some enjoy sumptuous meal’. Mind you, it is in the context ‘ഓണം പിറന്നാലും ഉണ്ണി പിറന്നാലും കോരന് കഞ്ഞി കുമ്പിളില്‍...’ of that means the poor would get his gruel in his caved in palm whether on a grand feast or at the birth of a child.

A similar incident occurred almost at the same period. My village is blessed with the Arabian Sea in the west and the Thamirabharani river at the east to which the AVM Canal confluence and together they join the sea at the flooding times. In the canal and it’s sideway ponds, coconut shells were husked for coir making and the water gets polluted in the process. This polluted water spoils the otherwise good water from the Thamirabharani. And on one such day, when I went to take bath, one of my seniors enquired whether I have received Holy Communion or not. When I answered in the affirmative, he wanted to confirm from me that Jesus was really present in it… Then he challenged me to ask to get the polluted water into clean water for bathing!

Yet another incident more or less at that age was one in which our fishermen, washing their nets in the river and taking bath, in their conversation, were wondering as to how the priests, who eat meat of all kinds and other highly nutritious food sumptuously, manage to control their basic instincts when we the poor humans can’t manage even while we eat frugally with tapioca, rice and fish alone!

And in the formation days in the theological seminary, one of my professors, a bible scholar, disturbed my otherwise innocent mind with a critical query, seeing me waiting in queue for confession, ‘are you going to whitewash yourself too?’ The same professor taught me as the Church’s official stand that, ‘As much Bible is the word of God that much it is the word of men too.’

Prior to this when yet another Bible professor, a foreigner, whom when I approached him to correct an article I wrote on the resurrection, surprised me by asking not to dare such disputed topics!

This critical fervour and flavour I kept all along my study of philosophy, theology and even at the post-graduation in Biblical Theology. Here, after completing the entire requirement, what was left was my final dissertation with the topic, ‘Marginalization in spite of evangelization.’ The dean asked me to change the topic which I declined and so I had to come out without their degree.

Another experience there was with regard to the Mass stipends. Since I was not ‘sent’ by the diocese, I was not recommended for the otherwise eligible scholarship from MISSIO and I was struggling to make both ends meet. At this time one of the professors came forward to give me Mass stipends, half the amount given by the donor, claiming that it is with his knowledge. I declined that too.

While in theology, the Liberation Theology attracted me so much and the climate in our diocese among the young priests was favourable and I joined their gatherings wherein such priests from the neighbouring dioceses like Kottar, Quilon and even Tuticorin were there. There were exchanges and interactions even with the non-Catholic denomination clergy too.

My first assignment as a parish priest was to Poothura, the nursery of fishermen struggles against government negligence on their rights and the co-operative movements with the leadership of Thomas Kochery, who later became the NFF, WFF president etc., and team along with the Medical Mission Sisters there itself few years ago. Added to this was my orientation in Social Analysis at the ISI, Bangalore which was headed by the late great Stan Lourdeswamy etc. 

I was not the one who takes things lying down. Whenever I could not digest matters, whether values or life, I didn’t bother to question and challenge. I was ill at ease with the church approach to the evangelical virtues like the chastity, poverty and obedience. Non-transparency and unaccountability in fiscal matters besides the commercialization of liturgy and rituals was an irritant always to me. 

All these made me a lone traveller among the ‘status quo’ and passive colleagues. Even those who were seemingly sympathetic to the Gospel/Kingdom values conveniently compromised them for power, position and possessions.

This made me restless more often than not. Thus I tried, Ashram life (Kurishumala Ashram, Wagamon), ‘higher’ studies (PG in Philosophy from Govt. University College and Biblical Theology from DVK, Bangalore, North Indian Mission (Nuh in Haryana) etc. I had my stint with serious love affairs too, even taking me at the verge of even leaving…

Since 1983, I was in the Senate of Priests, thrice as its general secretary. Twice was I appointed as the Director of the Board of Education and once as the Corporate Manager, RC Schools, Vellayambalam besides  other responsibilities at various times. I had an opportunity to work in the US as the Chaplain and as such the Ethics Committee member at the Kennedy Hospitals, Stratford, NJ.

At my fifties did my LL. B (from Law Academy Law College, Peroorkada, Thiruvananthapuram) and got enrolled as an advocate at the Bar Council of Kerala with Certificate of Practice from the All India Bar Council. Soon after I started practicing at the Trivandrum Court Complex with membership from the Bar Association, Trivandrum as a junior to Ms. Celine Wilfred, the three term Public Prosecutor in Trivandrum. Later I did my LL. M (in Correspondence Course) from MG University, Kottayam. I was made a member of the Institutional Ethics Committee of the Govt. Ayurveda College, Thiruvananthapuram.

I was struggling all along to grapple with the relevance of ‘priesthood’ as opposed to the discipleship with its heavy cost as demanded by Jesus in the Gospels. To me ‘priesthood’ was a superimposition by the later ‘church’ to stabilize the church establishment initiated at the time of Constantine who seemingly made Christianity, the state religion with its elders as bishops after the model of lords… All these were supported by the theology developed by the ‘converted’ zealous Pharisee, Saul (and his disciples) who went persecuting the members of the ‘Way’.

And now to make the Passover memorial, Jesus had with his disciples on the eve of his delivery into the hands of the Sanhedrin and the state oligarchy, as the Eucharist and to make it as the centre of worship and to develop a theology for the preservation of it in the Tabernacle and to expose it for adoration, now reaching to the point of 24*7 adoration in specially designated and air-conditioned chapels and to make it a solemn ritual and commercializing it conveniently and so on.

Jesus of the Gospels is not at all represented by the institutional church and its priests, bishops etc. They are after power, position and possession. The attire of the bishops with their skull cap, sash, mitre, sceptre etc. has nothing to do with Jesus familiar to us. It’s all mere vestiges of royalty which they conveniently attributed to Jesus as Christ, the King. They act like the satraps of their kingdom, unaccountable, irresponsible and wielding all the three pillars of modern states like the Legislature, Executive and Judiciary with no checks and balances. The Vatican II documents and the Code of Canon Law are all bishops oriented giving them unbridled power. If they are not benevolent and just, they can’t but be a curse to the diocese they are installed.

With this rather long introduction, let me come to my stand and status vis-à-vis the diocese. In 2020, when the archbishop then had hardly few more months to retire, I demanded for a special session of the Senate which was not functioning due to the Corona situation. After much effort it was convened sometime in September or October. The main agenda was the presentation of accounts in view of the impending retirement in the early 2021 after three decades of episcopacy. He was in no mood to present it in the Senate, a statutory body, on the ground that there is no canonical provision or precedence. However, he said that he would present it before the College of Consultors and the Finance Council! Those two bodies being his personal creation, I suggested that at least three members from the Senate be elected and let them be there along with the two bodies he mentioned. Even that he declined.

The demand for the accounts with assets and liability was in the background of his repeated grievance in many forums that he was handed over just 35 lakhs or so rupees by his predecessor, late bishop A. B. Jacob. That is not at all a good precedence to follow, especially in the context of the recent controversy leading to litigations in the Ernakulam-Angamaly archdiocese (Syro-Malabar) implicating its head, the very Cardinal Alanchery and the latest arrest and detention of the bishop of Pathanamthitta (Syro-Malankara) in a sand mafia case! All the more so, whenever a priest in charge of a parish or an institution gets transferred, he is required to present an audited report before the VF and the Finance and Parish Councils there.

This defiance of the authority along with my perception of the very foundations of priesthood and the Eucharist made me to decide definitely by that year end. Hence, I wrote to the archbishop that I don’t wish to continue in ritualistic priesthood and however, would love to anything possible or asked for the good of the people and diocese. He never bothered to discuss matters with me nor sent any individual or team for the same, but gave me letter allowing ‘leave of absence’ from 31^st December 2021 with food and stay at our priests’ home as long as I wish.’

I came to the priest’s home on 31^st December 2021. There was nothing specific to do… Lived here with the only time pass of reading and travel… Getting bored of the situation tried for a job elsewhere and got one at the SUT Medical College, Vengode, Vattappara since mid-July as the Men’s Hostel Warden. Attended the Presbyterium held on 21^st December 2021 and in that the archbishop publically asked me to come back after addressing few issues raised by me in that. I obliged that and resigned the job on 30^th December 2021 and came back to the priests’ home again on that same day.

It was in this background came the announcement of the new archbishop for the diocese on 2^nd February 2022. In a meeting of priests held afterwards various committees were suggested for the good conduct of the episcopal ordination and installation. One of the committees was on the Souvenir and I was nominated in absence. In the meeting of the nine member team, I attended and I was asked to be the convenor of the committee and later they asked me to be the editor too. On that am working now…